Picking at my thoughts

Soon enough I will be 23. And I know that isn't too old, but every time my age number gets higher, I start to wonder about life. I am heading towards my mid 20's with still, no direction in life. The thing about life is that it's given to you with no manual. So I sit here and wonder wow, time has passed me by so quickly that everything I planned for life has not turned out. Last year of school I was 17, I was asked where do I picture myself in 5 years. I said successful, with a stable job and happy. If my calculations are right I would have been 22 for all of those things to happen. Now that I'm almost 23 I can say, none of that crap happened!! Hahahaha! But I can say I was and still am happy as things happen for a reason.

For 22 years I have struggled to keep my life at hand. I always fell short somewhere and would give up hope on everything I acquired to do. But now things are surely and slowly falling into place bit by bit. The ball is rolling and so my hunger for success is growing. Although its not exactly how I pictured it to be, what I said 5 years prior, did in some way turn out. I have a stable job, where I can safely say I am an asset to my department. I may not be successful business wise, but I am successful in other areas. I have moved here to Samoa and adjusted successfully. I have built successful relationships with those that I need to. I was successful in fulfilling my dream into becoming a student at BYUH. And last but not least, I am happy. Very happy. Not too often I see cloudy days, but overall, I do have a smile on my face and joy in my heart, the kind of joy that you share with those around you in hopes that it will create a domino effect.

The year that was... 2012

As I reflect on the year that was, there isn't much to be happy about. Moving back to Australia from Hong Kong took a while to adjust to. Actually thinking about it, I never really adjusted back. I thought that upon my return everything would still be the same. That was the case, everything was still exactly the same, however, I wasn't the same. I realized that I grew out of what was. I became a person in which, I, myself did not recognize and so I really could not settle. Disappointment after disappointment, I easily became discourage. Many nights I would be the person I never wanted to be. But there was nothing out for me. It was always the same shit different day type of thing, 2 steps forward 10 steps back. How could I not be easily discouraged?
And the moment it became a reality is breaking down to my father telling him I've given up, life is hard! I became a burden to everyone that I even burdened myself. I didn't mean to create the trouble I caused I was just trying. I needed to be with people that would love me regardless, push me to endure to the end, and who would never give up on me. And that was here in Samoa with Dad and Mum.

So now that I'm here in Samoa everything seems the way it should be, never had I have ever had an unhappy moment in the case of me regretting living here. They say home is where the heart is, NO. Home is where your parents are. And that's real. Giving up a fast lifestyle of money and power for a slowed pace lifestyle of be happy with what you have really opened my eyes to making the most out of things. We barely have anything here but we make the most of what we have. But my little sisters who I adore the most, for 3 years they have endured this and yet are still happy with where they are, that's true reality of not needing materialistic things to enjoy the pleasures of life. And so it brings 2013 where I hope to grow and learn some more.

Thank you 2012 for the lessons and the self discoveries. But time and tide wait for no man, and from here, i must grow into the person i was destined to be. And hopefully be loved for.
xoxo